I recently spent a few days with my parents.  They are both in their 80’s and doing well.  They have slowed down a bit, which is to be expected.

I asked them if they had any advice for parents, what would it be?  Without hesitation my dad said that parents must communicate with their children.  They need to speak in a way that their children can hear.

That got me to thinking.  How do we do that?  I for one have a tendency to say the same thing over and over to make a point.  I will say it until my children respond.  And that is not good.  That’s nagging and no one likes a nag!  Ouch!

Another thing is yelling.  While I was doing my teacher training, a wise professor told us not to yell, because when we succumb to yelling, we have lost control of our class.  And that is true.  Unfortunately I have been guilty of yelling and it only happens when I am feeling  frustrated and out of control.  So I suggest that when you feel that way, you leave the room and cool off.    Depending on your child’s personality, you will either have a yelling match or your child will turn you off in silent defiance, and it will not turn out well.

Yelling also affects our children emotionally.  It makes them feel unloved and useless.  Think about how you feel when someone yells at you, your child feels the same way when you yell at them.

So what’s a parent to do.  How do you speak to your children so that they will listen?

• Talk to your child the way you want to be spoken to. Don’t put them down or call them names.
• Make sure electronics are turned off before starting a conversation.  They may not listen to you but instead concentrate on the electronics.
• Don’t make a scene in front of their friends.
• Speak calmly.
• Speak from your heart and be honest.
• Tell them why you want to have the conversation.

On that same note, I found that one of the best places to have a meaningful conversation with my children is in the car.  They have no where to go and you usually have their full attention.

Today’s parenting nugget is” Speak in a way that your children can hear you.”

 

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