Friends. Women seem to carry a lot of baggage concerning friendship. From being mean girls, to being competitive, to feeling inadequate, to snide remarks, to being too busy for friends and the list goes on and on.
While I was raising my daughter, it was difficult helping her through the maze of female friendships because I had issues that I had not put to bed. I struggled with my own hurts as she struggled with hers. And I’ve had to do some soul searching and praying as I’ve prepared to write this series.
Brave mama, think about your friendships. If you have hurts, acknowledge them, bring them to the cross, confess any bitterness you have due to your hurting heart, apologize to those that you have offended and move on. Stop yourself from taking on your child’s hurt and becoming offended when someone wrongs your child. Be objective! Yes it’s hard and takes time to work through, but do the hard work. You will be more successful helping your children through the “friendship maze” once you help yourself. We moms must take off our self-protecting coats of armor, stop smiling and saying things are fine when they aren’t. We’ve got to dig deep and be vulnerable. I am learning to do this and it is a constant process. Remember that you are a role model to your child.
Now that that’s settled, let’s move on to helping our daughters, and sons for that matter, learn to be good friends.
Proverbs 18:24 (KJV) tells us that “to be a friend we must be friendly”.
Luke 6:31 (NIV) tell us to “do to others as you would have them do to you”.
That by far is the best advice there is! But how do we accomplish this in our isolated world where being vulnerable is oh so scary. Our culture teaches us that we should lash out when someone treats us in an unkind manner and not reciprocate with kindness.
For some kids, making friends is a gift that God gave them, but some kids have to work at it.
- Smile. Smiling is something everyone can do and it breaks the ice. Smiles are contagious and when someone smiles you automatically smile back.
- Make eye contact. Look people in the eye. Don’t look down, look at your phone, or stare into space when someone is talking. Eye rolling is a bad habit that makes your child look like they aren’t interested. Nip it in the bud!
- Listen when others speak. This goes along with making eye contact. Teach your child that the conversation is not always about them.
- Stay positive. No one wants to be around someone who is negative all the time.
- Make an effort to get to know others. Invite others to your home or on outings. Don’t wait to be invited, do the inviting.
- Show a genuine interest in people. The key is to be friendly, not just act friendly. Your child’s peers can tell when they are genuine and when it’s an act.
- Encourage your child to surround himself with genuine, kind peers. Genuine, kind people are approachable and accepting. If your child is having trouble making friends, ask a kind, friendly child over to play.
- Remind your child that not everyone is friendly and sometimes you simply don’t have a lot in common with someone. When you don’t seem to click with someone, move on. There’s a whole world out there with people who want to be your friend.
Brave mama, pay attention to your child and the way she treats others. Is she friendly to the person at the checkout? Does she listen when her siblings speak to her? Is he positive or constantly complaining?
Don’t be afraid to gently correct your child when he’s displaying negative behavior. Remember, it is your job to teach your child about life and part of life is being a good friend. It pays in the long run!
“There are no strangers here; only friends you haven’t yet met.” ~ William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)
Has your child had problems maneuvering the “friendship maze”? If so, please consider sharing how you’ve helped him.
Do you need prayer for a specific area where your child is struggling? Please private message me and I’ll pray with you.
Disclaimer: If your child is depressed or extremely anxious concerning friends, you may need to visit with an professional counselor.
Did you know that I wrote a free homeschooling resource entitled 7 Scripture Prayers To Pray Over Your Homeschool. To receive a copy, scroll down and click on the updates link.